Ryan's Fourth Birthday

We had a total of 70 items donated towards Ryan's Closet this year in honor of Ryan's 4th birthday! I am so grateful for everyone who donated this year, it really means so much! We had preemie outfits, blankets and little hats donated this year. On Ryan's birthday we took the donations to the NICU at Fresno Community Hospital downtown where these items are much needed. It feels so good to do this each year and my dream is for Ryan's Closet to grow larger and larger. To think it first started when I donated some items to the NICU in Seattle and each year as we gave more and more the NICU at UWMC opened a closet to put the items in for families to choose from and the head nurse named it Ryan's Closet. I would love for there to be thousands of Ryan's Closet's all over the place. I didn't send the donations to Uganda as we have the past two years and I missed doing that. I wanted to donate locally and someday hopefully I can do both. Donating these preemie clothes is in honor of my little preemie and the love we have for him and those that helped him in the NICU.

Four years seems like a long time yet at the same time when I think of his scary birth, his condition, holding him, kissing him, singing to him, etc. it seems like just yesterday. I am sure it always will because those memories are engrained in my brain forever. It was a hard day of course and I was glad to receive many sweet messages on facebook, cards in the mail, texts, emails, and phone calls. All those things really help. It was a nice surprise to receive flowers from Jake at my door when he was away at work all day. I was expecting it to be hard for us but I also was expecting the pain not to be so strong. But it was! Jake and I played his songs the morning of his birthday, Baby Mine, You Raise me Up, and You Are so Beautiful. We both cried and cried. Jonathon was at school but as Caleb watched us he was pretty concerned, poor guy. We just miss him so much it hurts. But it lasted one day, we got it out of our systems, and felt peace the remaining time.

After we donated the items we celebrated his birthday back at our home with fantastic cupcakes from Frosted Cakery, our bakers at the Clovis Castle, who are amazing. We lit four candles and sang him happy birthday and then we all made wishes and blew them out.

Looking out from our porch there was the most amazing sunset the night of his birthday. Pink everywhere, I kind of felt like Ryan put some pink in the sky, my favorite kind of sky, to let me know he loves me and he's thinking of me :)

We ended the birthday on a fun note, as I'm sure Ryan would want. We had a dance party. The boys looove to dance, just like mommy and Grandma! Look at them get down! :)

The boys love doing these traditions for Ryan, Caleb doesn't really have a big idea of his big brother, but Jonathon remembers and he gets sad and misses his other little brother. We had a good day celebrating and honoring him though. Happy fourth Birthday Ryan Christopher! You are always on our minds and in our hearts!

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