A poem...

Don't judge the bereaved mother...

Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks,
she cleans, she works, she IS
but she IS NOT all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.


My friend Mimi, who I posted about below, recently posted this poem and I love it. I had never read it before and it spoke to me today because it is so true! So true. Even though I don't feel like I'm dying today as I did four years ago, there are still those odd days once in a while that creep up behind me and make me feel that way again, like a sobbing heart as it says. I do feel ancient, as it says as well. I recently was re-reading my journal during that horrible time on my birthday. My birthday was just a couple months after Ryan's death and I did not feel like having a birthday. I wrote that I did not feel 23, that I felt 80, or rather I wish I was, because then I would be close to death, close to seeing Ryan again. I like that part that says she is, doing all the things a woman and mother does, but that she in not all at once. Sometimes going through the motions, because one of the best parts of her is gone elsewhere. To other mother's who are mourning, I hope this helps validate and give words to your feelings. It sure is a roller coaster I wish I never had to ride, I'm still on it, and will always be, and that .... sucks. Pardon my french.

Love you Mimi! Have you heard the song Over You, my Miranda Lambert? I watched the music video and cried watching it last week. I love the lyrics. Here they are:

Weather man said it's gonna snow,  
By now I should be used to the cold.
Mid-February shouldn't be so scary.  
It was only December, I still remember
 the presents,the tree, you and me.
 
But you went away, How dare you? I miss you.  
They say I'll be okay, But I'm not going to
 ever get over you.
 
Living alone, here in this place,  
I think of you and I'm not afraid.  
Your favorite records make me feel better,  
Cause you sing along with every song. 
 I know you didn't mean to give them to me. 
 
But you went away, How dare you? I miss you.  
They say I'll be okay, But I'm not going to 
ever get over you. 
 
It really sinks in, you know,  
When I see it in stone
'Cause you went away  
How dare you? I miss you.  

They say I'll be okay,  
But I'm not going to 
ever get over you.

We will never be over you Ryan and Mia!