Ryan's 6th Birthday

Sometimes it hurts when I think about what Ryan would look like, act like, and be like as a six year old. He would be in kindergarten, riding bikes with his brothers, reading, playing sports, and would probably be a peaceful mediator between his older and younger brothers. I'm sure he would look similar to his siblings right now and would adore his baby sister too. 

I know that all is not lost, however. I know what promises are mine if I continue to follow in the footsteps of my Savior. I know that one glorious day we will be reunited, and that I will have every opportunity with Ryan I would have had here in this life, in a perfect world where there is no sin, pain, or suffering. 

I found this picture of the hospital in Seattle where Ryan (and Caleb) were born. It's such a beautiful area, but holds so many memories, of joy and pain. In Seattle it rains 9 months out of the year, but in the summer months it's sunny and gorgeous. I'll never forget how on the day  I was released from the hospital, without a baby in my arms, Jake wheeled me out to our car waiting at the front entrance, and it was pouring rain. I remember thinking, "This is appropriate. August is supposed to be sunny here, but the weather is reflecting how I feel inside," and for a tiny second I thought maybe my Father in Heaven made it that way, so I would know He was sad for my pain and loss also. 

My sweet and adorable boy. Such a fighter, such a strong spirit, such a perfect little boy. 

On Ryan's birthday the kids were very excited when they woke up because they knew it was a day to celebrate Ryan, his birth, his presence in our lives, his legacy. 

We wrote balloon messages and sent them off to heaven for Ryan to read. The kids love doing this, their messages and comments in that moment were so sincere and heartfelt. It warms this angel mamas heart! 

The boys picked out an Oreo ice cream cake for Ryan, they said he would like Oreo because it's their favorite too :) it was yummy, and Bella even knew what to do as she blew out the candles for her big brother. 

We let the kids decide what to do as a family to celebrate and they said going to the zoo would be best because Ryan would like the crocodiles :) 

We had fun at the Fort Worth zoo, riding the train from place to place. The kids kept commenting how Ryan would think the monkeys were funny, the alligators' teeth cool, the snakes scary, etc. 

My sweet little sis sent me these beautiful flowers, they meant so much :) 

We miss our Ryan, but we did enjoy celebrating him on the day of his birth and honoring him on his Heaven Day. 

We also had another successful year of collecting donations for Ryan's Closet. We collected over 100 preemie outfits and sent them to Uganda through Ryan's Doctor. More posts to come on the 6th anniversary of Ryan's Closet. Thank you to all who continually support us!