Zachary Tracy 8-1-1985 to 12-23-2011

Jake's youngest brother Zach passed away on December 23rd. It was shocking and horrible and heartbreaking. He was my age, 26. I will never forget that phone call of the news and the way my dear sweet husband took it. I still can't believe he is gone. He was such a handsome, sweet, sensitive, funny, kind guy, and so thoughtful of others, always wanting to help someone out or serve someone. I loved getting to know him better the six years we lived in WA.

Zach struggled with drug addictions for many years, and sadly it finally took its last toll on him. I hoped and prayed this would not happen to him, but I knew deep down it was an eventuality by the road he was on and all the signs, because of his addictions and the lack of help he got for himself and the situations he lived in. He is at peace now, I know this. He is no longer sick, trapped or in pain. I know that our son Ryan and other family members are with him, helping him, guiding him and loving him. Jake was such a great big brother, still is and will always be. The greatest way we can teach someone is by example and Jake was the best example a brother could have. Through learning about drug addiction in my own family I am grateful for the knowledge I have gained. I think when we lose someone we blame ourselves and torment ourselves with thoughts of what we could have done to prevent the loss. But addiction is so much more, it is a chronic brain disorder and not just simply a behavioral problem involving too much drugs, alcohol, etc. It's a chronic disease like diabetes. "Many chronic diseases require behavioral choices, such a as people with heart disease choosing to eat healthier or begin exercising. So we have to stop moralizing, blaming, controlling at the person with disease of addiction, and start creating opportunities for the individuals and families to get help and correct treatment." ASAM (American Society of Addiction Medicine) This really helps me understand. May this be a message to us all because it's all around us. May we also hold those dear to us close and live each day as if it's our last because we never know when our time on earth is up. Boy have a I really learned this lesson the last few years, I don't take anything for granted!

Jake flew out today to WA for the viewing/funeral/burial. I'm wishing so badly I could have gone to hold his hand through it all. It kills me to watch him suffer and grieve like this again. I wish I could take the pain away. He deserves some kind of a break! He's been through so much already. But I guess life doesn't give breaks. I am so lucky to have Jake as my husband. He gave a talk on Christmas Day at church, in front of three wards, the church was packed like stake conference. It was just himself and the stake president speaking. It was a wonderful talk! He amazes me! He is so strong. It was just two days after he got the news. I could have never done that. When I asked him why he said that Joseph Smith was tarred and feathered and lost a baby all in one night and the next day gave a sermon (which he could barely speak to give because of the tar that got in his mouth) that converted and touched many people. So he felt just as obligated as another servant of the Lord. I know that all of these trials are for our good because I know how much our Heavenly father loves Jake and Zach and all of us and that he has great things in store!

Love to you all. Happy New Year.

Zach, my niece Abby and Jonathon - celebrating Ryan's 2nd birthday together

Jake's family at our wedding reception at the Tracy Castle in WA.  Zach, second to right.

Forever brothers! Josh, Jake and Zach. Until we meet again Zach! We love you!